Should you date your co-worker?

Dating as an aid worker is not always an easy endeavor. Long periods of time overseas, frequent relocations and unpredictable travel schedules can make meeting someone challenging; finding the time to schedule a first date can seem impossible. Studies frequently cite online dating platforms as the means by which more people meet their prospective spouse today, but those sites require time and effort and generally require that you be readily available for frequent dates. What’s more, they often aren’t available in locations where aid workers live, particularly if you’re hoping to meet someone from your culture. People also find each other by meeting through mutual friends, but you may not have an established social network if you’re relocating frequently. So it’s natural that many aid workers meet — and fall in love — on the job. Working in high-stress situations far away from friends and family, it’s co-workers whom many aid workers rely on for emotional support. In fragile states where you may be living and working in close quarters, the environment can serve as a pressure cooker for a budding romance. Even if you’re an aid worker based in city like New York, Geneva or Brussels, finding someone who understands your lifestyle and shares the same passion for doing good can sometimes means looking to the person in the next cubicle. Attitudes toward workplace romance are changing. Employers are revising their non-fraternization policies including non-nepotism rules, allowing married couples to work with the same employer. The Asian Development Bank, for example, revised their decades-long ban on spouses working at the bank, primarily in recognition that barring inter-office romances can often mean losing out on great talent — particularly women who are less likely to relocate if their spouse too cannot find a job. Some employers even actively encourage inter-office dating, recognizing that employees are more likely to put in long hours and maintain a busy travel schedule if they have a partner who understands their work. However, dating your co-worker is not without its challenges. For every meet-cute story, there are cautionary tales of an office romance gone bad. Before passing a Valentine to your co-worker, consider these four things: 1. Know your employer policy While workplace attitudes are changing, some still do ban office dating or have specific steps you must follow to comply. For example, your policy may require written notification of your relationship after a specified amount of time. Even offices that allow dating among co-workers have strict rules when it comes to reporting lines. So if you new love interest is either your boss or a direct report, there may need to be changes to your reporting structure. If you’re unsure of your policy and don’t want to raise suspicions by asking, consult your employee handbook or speak with a trusted colleague in human resources. 2. What if it goes wrong? While you may be full of optimism in the early stages of romance, it is pragmatic to consider the consequences and what you will do if the relationship doesn’t work out. Will you be OK continuing to work alongside each other? Would you be willing to find a new job if not? Is there any reason to believe this person may seek retribution in the workplace if things don’t end well? Taking these risks can be worth it for the chance of meeting “the one,” but may not be if you are just looking for a casual encounter. 3. But what if it goes right? Just as important of a question is considering the consequences if the relationship does go well. Will you want to continue working in the same office as your live-in partner or spouse? Are you on a temporary assignment? What will you do when it comes time to move home or to the next location? Will you be willing to sacrifice your career growth to follow the one you love? These questions need not be answered at the beginning of a relationship, but if a relocation date is looming, they may need to be addressed sooner than you think. 4. Keep the relationship out of work, and work out of the relationship It goes without saying that office romances require discretion in the office. Being able to separate your work from your relationship is important in order to avoid creating bad blood among colleagues or give the impression of favoritism, particularly if one of you holds a management-level position. It’s also important not to let your work life consume your personal one. It can be easy to fall back on discussing office politics or the latest memo or project proposal with your loved one. This is one of the advantages of dating a co-worker — they will understand your work like no one else. But you also want room to cultivate your own relationship outside of the office walls. You know you are great co-workers, but allow the space to find out if you can be great partners, too. Have you ever dated a co-worker? How did you make it work? What would you do differently if it didn’t? Please leave your office dating advice in the comments section below. Follow our #DevCouples series to read more about ways to stick with the career you love and the person, too. Whether you’re a seasoned expert or budding development professional — check out more news, analysis and advice online to guide your career and professional development, and subscribe to Doing Good to receive top international development career and recruitment news every week.